I can think of a million ways to “fix” other people around me. They’re just all so messed up, aren’t they?
Here’s the brutal truth: That’s not the way the universe works. You don’t get to “fix” them.
Peter Bregman, in the Harvard Business Review, wrote an interesting article this week about what motivates people to help. If you haven’t seen it yet, follow that link and have a look. Peter raises an interesting question about why people are motivated to give to others, to help.
In general, people like to be helpful. I suppose part of it is an expectation of getting something in return, but that’s not the core.
The fact is, you get a rush just from knowing you’ve done good. It actually physically feels good to you, and in many cases that may be enough reward in itself.
Of course, we get rather cynical about all this. Many charitable organizations prey on our need to be loved and to feel like we’re making a difference. After a while we get the sense that maybe we’re not actually making the difference that we’d hoped, and that some of the unscrupulous types might be taking advantage of us.
That’s why Peter’s example is so powerful. It’s about making a difference to someone here and now, in a way that makes a difference that you can actually see.
Here’s what we learn about giving:
As I said before, the act of giving has great value. Remember that in your own life, and those of people who you work with.
How do you convince people to like you and give you a break?
Here’s a core principle of human behavior, so simple: When people receive something they value, they’re more inclined to give back in return. Pretty obvious, right? But it’s absolutely true, and is one of the reasons why those charities send you small gifts in the mail. They’re hoping you’ll find some value in them, and give back in return.
Who are You, the real person?
On this blog, I’ve talked a lot about career issues, but let’s face it: That’s only a part of who You are. I would hope that you recognize that there’s other important areas of your life: your family, spiritual growth, your physical self, contribution to important causes, your social circles – and perhaps more.
Your Authentic Self is the person underlying all that.
As the year and the decade draw to a close, I just wanted to express my gratitude for all the help I’ve received this year. It’s been tumultuous, the future is uncertain, and depression and fear still reign over the economy.
Despite all that, I’ve been blessed with a great number of friends and supporters, a wonderful number of opportunities, and the love of my family. If you’re going to lose your job and head off into a new career, it’s hard to ask for more.
Thank you.
Now let’s get to work on making 2010 a much better place!
As I talked about last week, job hunting is an emotional rollercoaster. Well, after a slow start this week, I’ve been steadily building toward a training class in Toronto next week.
I had a very interesting discussion with my son today, and along the twisting path, I made this observation: People either help others because they expect something back, or … because there’s a larger picture at play. Let me explain.
I happened to run into a friend in the cafeteria today. I had worked with him some years ago, and both he and I have moved into much different jobs. I was startled when he made reference to a question I had asked him way back then. Although I have absolutely no memory of the context or the conversation, this is something which has stuck with him for years and continues to be a point which led him to a personal epiphany.
Wow.
.