It’s one of the core questions of human existence, really, because without any purpose there’s no reason to live. Some people would frame this question as, “Why are WE here?”, but that’s really only motivating to philosophers. It really hits home when you make it personal.
By default, I suppose, I’m here because of the random circumstances of my birth and upbringing. But that only says how I ended up acting the way I do, not that there’s a reason for me to be here in the first place.
“This is a terrible place to work!” “My boss is an idiot!” “I hate my job!”
We hear these complaints all the time, and we know how it affects us to hear them. We might join the complaint train, we might feel sadness and empathy, or we might even try to argue.
But let’s think for a minute about what it means to the person who SAYS these things.
Life’s stressful. So much work to do, so much to worry about. If you have a job, you’re stressed about losing it. If you don’t have a job, things seem so hopeless.
The fabric of society is falling apart. Politics bring important decisions to a standstill. Global climate change. Terrorism.
As a coach, I work with clients all the time who struggle to make tough career decisions. Here’s what’s interesting about this: usually they’re so focused on trying to find a solution that they don’t notice that they’re not sure what the real problem is.
Here’s an example. Joseph is struggling because he’s not happy with his job: the work isn’t interesting, his boss is a jerk, and the organization is overly political. The solution, clearly, is to find a new job which fixes these three problems.
I previously wrote about the process of becoming grounded and mentioned that you probably have hundreds of resources at your disposal. Let’s explore that a bit further.
I’ve been a bit under the weather for the last week, recovering from an unpleasant bout of stomach flu. Now that I’m back up to 98% again, I was thinking about the value of taking a break from the intensity and stress.
One of the nice things about getting sick – if you permit me to say something might be “nice” here – is that it gave me a great excuse to let things slide a little bit. I had a great reason to blow off some the less important meetings and to reset expectations. After all, everyone has first-hand experience with being ill.
Peter Bregman, in the Harvard Business Review, wrote an interesting article this week about what motivates people to help. If you haven’t seen it yet, follow that link and have a look. Peter raises an interesting question about why people are motivated to give to others, to help.
In general, people like to be helpful. I suppose part of it is an expectation of getting something in return, but that’s not the core.
The fact is, you get a rush just from knowing you’ve done good. It actually physically feels good to you, and in many cases that may be enough reward in itself.
Of course, we get rather cynical about all this. Many charitable organizations prey on our need to be loved and to feel like we’re making a difference. After a while we get the sense that maybe we’re not actually making the difference that we’d hoped, and that some of the unscrupulous types might be taking advantage of us.
That’s why Peter’s example is so powerful. It’s about making a difference to someone here and now, in a way that makes a difference that you can actually see.
Here’s what we learn about giving:
Let people see the difference they’re making, in as immediate a way as possible, and in the way that person values.
Entering payment into the equation introduces a whole different dynamic – it becomes about the money rather than about the value delivered.
Don’t be afraid to ask for help. People like helping.
How do you convince people to like you and give you a break?
Here’s a core principle of human behavior, so simple: When people receive something they value, they’re more inclined to give back in return. Pretty obvious, right? But it’s absolutely true, and is one of the reasons why those charities send you small gifts in the mail. They’re hoping you’ll find some value in them, and give back in return.
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