As children, our parents teach us to be nice to others.\u00a0 We take this through our entire lives as a powerful tool for playing a valued role in society.<\/p>\n
But there’s different kinds of nice.<\/p>\n
One part is to use kind and respectful words in communication.\u00a0 That’s almost always a good idea, except under rare conditions when harshness is called for.\u00a0 Perhaps when you’re confronting a burglar in your house.<\/p>\n
A more dangerous part of being nice is to be deferential, to let others have their way.\u00a0 THIS can get you into trouble, in many ways.\u00a0 Imagine that you let your children do whatever they wish, never setting boundaries.\u00a0 They’ll grow up to be hellions.<\/p>\n
I’ve known people who had this problem at work as well, typically with a boss or forceful co-worker.\u00a0 Sometimes a manager will (on purpose or unintentionally) overstep what’s reasonable.\u00a0 At that point, no matter how uncomfortable, you have to establish boundaries and properly set expectations.<\/p>\n
What’s reasonable?\u00a0 Well, imagined that you were hired to do a “full time job” of 40 hours per week.\u00a0 Then you discover that the manager expects 60, then 80, then 100 hours.\u00a0 Without the compensation or emotional support which goes along with that incredible commitment on your part.<\/p>\n
Yes, I’ve seen this happen.\u00a0 All too often, in fact.<\/p>\n
How do you set the boundary?\u00a0 It’s quite personal, in fact.\u00a0 You may decide that 42 hours is too much, while others are fine with investing 70 or 80 hours while working under a specific deadline.\u00a0 You get to decide.<\/p>\n
But you can still handle this with your boss in a nice way, being respectful and straightforward.\u00a0 So I wouldn’t suggest blowing up in front of a group of people, unless your desire is to destroy any satisfaction you have left.<\/p>\n
With difficult conversations, it’s best to:<\/p>\n
Sometimes I’ll help my clients through this process, to prepare for the conversation, gather their courage, and become clear.\u00a0 It’s well worth the effort, because it’s not hard to entirely destroy a relationship with a single discussion like this.<\/p>\n
In the end, becoming skilled at difficult conversations will make you a nicer person.\u00a0 Life isn’t always easy, so this is important.\u00a0 And you’ll learn a lot about yourself on the way.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"