{"id":1206,"date":"2011-07-25T11:11:50","date_gmt":"2011-07-25T18:11:50","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/dierschow.com\/wordpress\/?p=1206"},"modified":"2012-06-01T14:48:04","modified_gmt":"2012-06-01T21:48:04","slug":"the-balance-of-giving-and-taking","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/dierschow.com\/wordpress\/career\/the-balance-of-giving-and-taking","title":{"rendered":"The balance of giving and taking"},"content":{"rendered":"\n\n\n\n\n
\nI have several blogs, as you may have discovered.\u00a0 On a regular basis, I get emails from other blog sites which say something like:<\/p>\n

I’ve been following your blog for some time, and like what you have to say.\u00a0 You might want to know that I’ve just published a new article on ________.\u00a0 If you find it interesting, I’d appreciate if you could mention it on your blog.<\/p>\n

<name><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Now, I really like helping out other people, so on occasion I’ve obliged.\u00a0 But after having received dozens of nearly identical requests, I’ve stopped participating.\u00a0 I feel a bit of a curmudgeon for doing that, but this is what’s been concerning me:<\/p>\n

    \n
  • Even though the sites have looked a bit legitimate, I have vague suspicions that there’s something underhanded going on.\u00a0 Especially when there’s no contact details on the website and the description is something vague like “we provide resources for people who ….” – it sounds like maybe they’re just trying to build up their Google rankings with not much value for real people.<\/li>\n
  • One day, I received essentially identical requests from two different names for two different websites – at about 3am, my time.\u00a0 This would indicate that there’s probably some Google ranking company pushing their services out in Asia someplace.\u00a0 I don’t buy services from those kinds of companies, and I don’t want to contribute, even indirectly, to plugging their companies.<\/li>\n
  • I’ve never once received any kind of thank you for having done this, and I get no sense that the writer knows or cares anything about me as a person.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n

    The first two are logical, the third is an emotional reaction.\u00a0 But social interactions – people helping people in communities of shared interest – are built primarily on emotional attachments.<\/p>\n

    What do we learn from all this?\u00a0 That your work in building networks, increasing your influence, and knowing the right people, is built on both emotional and logical connections.<\/p>\n

    Don’t downplay the emotional.<\/p>\n

    When you give freely to others, when you show gratitude, when you put yourself at service, you create emotional bonds that are incredibly resilient and memorable.<\/p>\n

    You can carry this into manipulation, of course.\u00a0 In that e-mail above, the person said they appreciated my blog.\u00a0 That felt great – it stroked my ego – the first couple of times, but I’ve discovered that it’s inauthentic.\u00a0 What’s different from REAL appreciation is that this person said nothing specific, either about what I’d done or the value they received.<\/p>\n

    It’s easy to say “I appreciate what you do.”\u00a0 It’s much harder, and has much more impact, to explain WHY.<\/p>\n

    The same goes for social media.\u00a0 Most comments I see aren’t conversations, they’re just throwaways which are generated by people who have too much time and easy access to technology.\u00a0 This is exactly how Twitter has gotten such a bad image to the non-Twitterverse.<\/p>\n

    In my case, I don’t spend much time on social media networks.\u00a0 When I do, I’m looking for substantial conversations where people are helping each other.<\/p>\n

    Other than that, I’m looking to help people In Real Life.\u00a0 For real.<\/p>\n

     <\/td>\n<\/tr>\n

Carl Dierschow is a Certified Small Fish Business Coach<\/a> and author of the career management guide, Mondays Stink! 23 Secrets to Rediscover Delight and Fulfillment in Your Work<\/em>. He is a career coach for those going through interesting transitions, and works with small business owners who need to create breakthroughs in achieving their business goals. Find out more at www.Dierschow.com<\/a> and www.SmallFish.us<\/a>.<\/p>\n

If you are interested in individual career coaching, group coaching, or other resources which might help you with difficult choices, please contact Carl at carl@dierschow.com<\/a>.<\/p>\n

Connect with Carl on Facebook<\/a>, Twitter<\/a> and LinkedIn<\/a> to get timely updates and connections to a broader range of professionals.<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n

To subscribe or unsubscribe to this newsletter, send an e-mail to newsletter@Dierschow.com<\/a><\/p>\n

\u00a9 2011 Possibilities Partnership LLC<\/td>\n

\"\"<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/tbody>\n<\/table>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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