The Career You'll Love » relationships

Nurturing optimism

Carl — Mon, 30 Jan 2012 16:57:56 +0000

I’d like to be optimistic, but it’s not that easy. The economy’s terrible, the election’s coming up this year, people are still losing their houses, …

Here’s how I do it.

You may have some friends or colleagues who are “toxic people.” You know the type: For every positive sign, they can recite five negative ones. They relish in the opportunity to point out the black cloud behind the silver lining.

And, let’s face it, there’s a certain amount of perverse pleasure in complaining. It’s easy, and doesn’t carry the risk that you might actually have to DO something.

But the end result, over time, is that you take on the attitude of a slave. Other people have the opportunity and right to do things, and all you can do is to respond. You’ve lost all your freedom.

That’s no way to spend your life.

So the first challenge is to limit the amount of time you spend with these toxic “friends.” If three minutes a day is all you can take, then listen for that time, don’t participate much, and walk away. Maybe they’ll learn and adjust over time, but it’s not your job to try to “fix” other people.

Do the same with the media you consume. I had a podcast that I listened to faithfully for several years, and really enjoyed. But it was all about complaining and pointing out faults, not about coming up with useful solutions. I started noticing that after listening, I would become cynical for the rest of the day.

Because I don’t want to be that kind of person, I had to give up the podcasts. Guess what? I’m more positive now.

The third thing I do is to actively look for – and celebrate – positive signs. Last week my son had two high-value interviews, after having none for a year. Let’s consider that as a sign that his industry is turning up, and that he’s shifting his focus to get a little more serious about the job search. A year’s worth of new experience has helped as well!

I’ve been getting a sense that there’s more optimism here in January 2012 than there was in January 2011. Measurable? Not really. But I’ve been doing my part to tell people that this has helped me to be more upbeat, in the hopes that I can spread it around a little more. It seems to be working, little by little.

A couple of months ago, on one of my blogs, I mentioned my little experiment with changing the standard hallway exchange: “How’s it going?” “Fine.” This actually means nothing in our culture, other than acknowledging the other person’s existence. It certainly doesn’t mean that I’m “fine”, it’s just the standard response.

I changed my response to things like “wonderful!” or “excellent!” in order to see how people would react. And they noticed, yes, but more important, it changed my outlook on the day. I found that by telling someone I was having a wonderful time, that it actually increased the chances that the day would indeed be wonderful. Because I was working to make it that way.

And don’t we all want wonderful days?

Carl Dierschow is a Certified Small Fish Business Coach and author of the career management guide, Mondays Stink! 23 Secrets to Rediscover Delight and Fulfillment in Your Work. He is a career coach for those going through interesting transitions, and works with small business owners who need to create breakthroughs in achieving their business goals. Find out more at www.Dierschow.com and www.SmallFish.us.If you are interested in individual career coaching, group coaching, or other resources which might help you with difficult choices, please contact Carl at carl@dierschow.com.

Connect with Carl on Facebook, Twitter and LinkedIn to get timely updates and connections to a broader range of professionals.

A peaceful 2012?

Carl — Sat, 31 Dec 2011 12:00:39 +0000

This is the beginning of the International Hour for Peace. I don’t know how widespread this is – Google is surprisingly unhelpful – but it’s a good time to think about how we’re each helping to bring peace into the world.We all agree: There’s too much conflict in the world, too much jockeying for position, too much greed and corruption.

But here’s the thing: Humans are made to strive. Each of us has ambitions to become more, to achieve, to develop, to grow. It seems to be that instinct which causes us to want to get more at the expense of others. It’s a win-lose game, ultimately ending up as lose-lose when those others start reacting to what I’ve done to them.

In my mind, this is one of the basic challenges we’ve been given in this life. We’re meant to learn how to grow and achieve while helping others to do the same.

Easy? No. But life is not easy.

I find it interesting, too, that generally other people will respond in kind. When I help others to achieve, they’ll help me – often more generously than I ever would have expected. Call it karma if you like; it doesn’t really matter.

So here’s the challenge I give you, and myself, for 2012: Let’s work on how to learn, grow, and achieve, while helping others to do the same. Never at the expense of others, but in aid of others.

I don’t generally make New Year’s Resolutions – I find it a bit artificial and pointless. Instead, let’s work together to make 2012 a year where we at least can bring peace and collaboration to our little corners of the planet.

It’s hard to know how to bring peace to 7 billion people in the world. But to the fifty people I’ll affect most this next year? I’ll give it a shot.

Do you want to help?

Connect with Carl on Facebook, Twitter and LinkedIn to get timely updates and connections to a broader range of professionals.

If the job’s posted, it’s too late!

Carl — Thu, 22 Dec 2011 22:09:59 +0000

You’ve heard this advice before: If you wait until a job opening is posted, it’s too late!

How frustrating! You’re following the rules, and I’m saying that there’s no possible way to win. What – you’re supposed to break the rules and sprinkle magic dust in order to find a job?

Read more on my Workbloom blog»

Ten people you really should know

Carl — Sun, 11 Dec 2011 02:08:03 +0000

It’s not WHAT you know, it’s WHO you know. Right? So who is it that you should know?

The implicit assumption is that if you want to get a new job, you need to know people who have jobs. But that could be ANYbody with decision-making authority, so it’s not as helpful as you’d like to think.

Read more on my Workbloom blog»

Asking for help

Carl — Mon, 28 Nov 2011 17:51:18 +0000

The Career You’ll Love

Sponsored by Carl Dierschow’s career blog at www.Dierschow.com

Welcome to my career tips newsletter! I encourage you to pass this to anyone who might have an interest in revitalizing their career – instructions for subscribing are at the bottom.

Asking for help

I’ve noticed a curious thing about asking for favors.

You’d think that the difficulty of getting someone to give you something would directly relate to how valuable it is. If I ask for a dollar, you might give it to me. But ten dollars? That should be about ten times harder.

If that’s the case, though, I should never be able to convince you to help me with something that will take many hours of work on your part. You’re very busy – everybody’s busy – so what would cause you to just give me a lot of your time?

What’s going on here, it appears, is a much more complex transaction.

There’s a lot of value you might receive from giving me some of your time:

You might have some fun
You could learn something
You might have the satisfaction of knowing you made a difference
Your social standing could improve

These are often the reasons people contribute to charitable causes or join groups. Especially when you aren’t getting paid for your contribution, it’s clear that these other factors are what drives you to engage and help out.

What do we do with this knowledge?

A particular case I run into constantly is this: John would like to learn something from Jane, but is reluctant to ask for her time. He fears that he might look foolish, and is worried that Jane will see it as an imposition.

And in fact, she might, if John approaches it the wrong way. “I’d like to schedule a two hour meeting with you” seems difficult for a busy person. Why? Because it hasn’t conveyed that Jane is going to get anything useful out of it – perhaps it will just be a boring waste of time.

If John really values Jane’s knowledge, he should let her know. Here’s some useful phrases that he might weave into a question:

“I really think I could learn something from you…”
“I’m looking to learn from experts in this area…”
“I want to get my career moving faster, so I’d like to ask your help…”
“I’d really appreciate if you could mentor me…”
“I’d be so grateful if you’d help me learn more about this…”

Each of these, to varying degrees, conveys a sense of gratitude to Jane: She’s going to end up feeling good about having helped John’s career.

John will end up receiving priceless knowledge, and in the same way, Jane will receive priceless satisfaction.

That’s much easier, in fact, than trying to get a stranger to give you $10.

If you are interested in individual career coaching, group coaching, or other resources which might help you with difficult choices, please contact Carl at carl@dierschow.com.

Connect with Carl on Facebook, Twitter and LinkedIn to get timely updates and connections to a broader range of professionals.

To subscribe or unsubscribe to this newsletter, send an e-mail to newsletter@Dierschow.com

10 ways to improve your career over the holidays

Carl — Sun, 27 Nov 2011 01:37:51 +0000

Whew! It looks like we may actually survive to the end of 2011 – and it’s been a brutal year. If you’re lucky enough to have a job, you’ve probably worried about whether you’d keep it.

Read more on my Workbloom blog»

How gratitude makes your job better

Carl — Sat, 19 Nov 2011 01:15:30 +0000

Some years ago, I ran across a person who asked me, “How’s it going?”. I issued the standard answer, “fine,” thinking nothing of it. End of conversation, nothing interesting said.

Read more on my Workbloom blog»

Ten ways to improve the relationship with your boss

Carl — Fri, 18 Nov 2011 00:38:30 +0000

Yeah, your boss is a pain. Always getting on your case about something or other, and she never listens to your requests for some time off or making your job easier.

Realize that being a manager is a real job, and your boss is a real person. She probably doesn’t WANT to make your life miserable, she just finds it a necessary part of getting the work done.

Laboring for a purpose

Carl — Tue, 06 Sep 2011 01:27:42 +0000

The Career You’ll Love

Sponsored by Carl Dierschow’s career blog at www.Dierschow.com

Welcome to my career tips newsletter! I encourage you to pass this to anyone who might have an interest in revitalizing their career – instructions for subscribing are at the bottom.

Laboring for a purpose

It’s Labor Day here in the US, a holiday when we remember those who have fought to create a work environment where people can earn a fair living for doing fair work. Ironic, I suppose, that we celebrate work by … taking the day off.

It’s bittersweet for those millions of people who are unemployed or underemployed, who are unconvinced of that this is the Great Land Of Opportunity that we once thought.

It’s important to realize that there’s different ways to look at work. Many people think of their job as the necessary stuff they have to do in order to have a life. Others have a broader view, seeing their work as a way to BE their life. And of course, those workaholics just take it to the extreme, getting so involved in their work that they really don’t do anything else.

In fact, that workaholism model can work quite well for some people. Despite pressure from older generations, some people are so engaged in their work that they’re just fine treating it as the end in itself. People in religious vocations sometimes fit this model.

And if you want to treat your job as a necessary evil, go ahead. Realize that what you’re doing, though, is spending 40+ hours a week in misery, developing a bad attitude, and infecting those around you.

For me, I prefer finding value through my work. For ten years I was able to explore business and career coaching while I was working for a large employer, because I worked hard to gain the support of every boss and deliver value for the company. Even before that, though, I was constantly looking to expand my contribution, to affect more people, to help the company grow and prosper.

It ended up being a career of 31 years in that company, which isn’t bad by any measure. When the economy finally caught up with me and I got laid off, I could remember a deep sense of satisfaction for what I was able to do over the decades, and what the company gave me in return. I had a chance to work with some truly great people.

That doesn’t make work EASY, by the way. Work can still be hard and frustrating even when you’re getting great value. Rather like having a family, actually: Sometimes they’ll drive you nuts, but overall you wouldn’t trade them for the world.

That’s the attitude we should be nurturing and celebrating on this Labor Day!

If you are interested in individual career coaching, group coaching, or other resources which might help you with difficult choices, please contact Carl at carl@dierschow.com.

Connect with Carl on Facebook, Twitter and LinkedIn to get timely updates and connections to a broader range of professionals.

To subscribe or unsubscribe to this newsletter, send an e-mail to newsletter@Dierschow.com

What fear is in your way?

Carl — Tue, 23 Aug 2011 01:29:19 +0000

The Career You’ll Love

Sponsored by Carl Dierschow’s career blog at www.Dierschow.com

Welcome to my career tips newsletter! I encourage you to pass this to anyone who might have an interest in revitalizing their career – instructions for subscribing are at the bottom.

What fear is in your way?

You’ve been wanting to advance your career, but it seems that you’re sabotaging yourself at every turn. You were going to have that important discussion with your boss, and then wimped out. “Too busy,” you told yourself, or “not a convenient time.”

We all struggle with this.

Coaches have a concept called your “gremlin” – it’s the voice inside your head that’s constantly telling yourself you’re not good enough, you don’t have what it takes, and you’ll never succeed. The gremlin can be positively brutal, because he speaks in words that push all your buttons and activate all your insecurities.

I’ve expanded this concept and built on the image of a devil on one shoulder, an angel on the other. Your gremlin and the devil character are basically the same thing. But I believe there’s also a quieter, gentler voice of “your angel” that wants you to succeed. When you’re able to give energy to this angel, you can counteract the damage done by the devil on the other shoulder.

Imagine that I’m trying to work up the courage to talk to a partner about the fact that his work is causing problems for me. The devil’s on one shoulder telling me that I’m going to make him mad by opening up this conversation, and might even advise me to approach the topic in an abrasive way. After all, I’m frustrated, right? It’s his fault, so I should certainly let him know my views in an emphatic way!

But before I make any decision, I’m going to give voice to the angel on my other shoulder. She’s kind, thoughtful, and open to compromise – the opposite of that devil. She’s going to encourage me to create a discussion which allows for us to seek a common solution, and maintain the strength of our relationship.

It’s a tremendously simple concept, but powerful for helping you think through difficult issues. It helps to overcome your fear of failure, because you’ve thought things through carefully.

Why was my angel female? I’m not sure, but it’s not always that way. My angel is the opposite of whatever demons are around me at the time – so if my devil is telling me to wimp out, maybe the angel will adopt an attitude of strength and courage.

When’s the next time you’d like your angel to show up?

If you are interested in individual career coaching, group coaching, or other resources which might help you with difficult choices, please contact Carl at carl@dierschow.com.

Connect with Carl on Facebook, Twitter and LinkedIn to get timely updates and connections to a broader range of professionals.

To subscribe or unsubscribe to this newsletter, send an e-mail to newsletter@Dierschow.com