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Nurturing optimism

Carl — Mon, 30 Jan 2012 16:57:56 +0000

The Career You’ll Love

Sponsored by Carl Dierschow’s career blog at www.Dierschow.com

Welcome to my career tips newsletter! I encourage you to pass this to anyone who might have an interest in revitalizing their career – instructions for subscribing are at the bottom.

Nurturing optimism

I’d like to be optimistic, but it’s not that easy. The economy’s terrible, the election’s coming up this year, people are still losing their houses, …

Here’s how I do it.

You may have some friends or colleagues who are “toxic people.” You know the type: For every positive sign, they can recite five negative ones. They relish in the opportunity to point out the black cloud behind the silver lining.

And, let’s face it, there’s a certain amount of perverse pleasure in complaining. It’s easy, and doesn’t carry the risk that you might actually have to DO something.

But the end result, over time, is that you take on the attitude of a slave. Other people have the opportunity and right to do things, and all you can do is to respond. You’ve lost all your freedom.

That’s no way to spend your life.

So the first challenge is to limit the amount of time you spend with these toxic “friends.” If three minutes a day is all you can take, then listen for that time, don’t participate much, and walk away. Maybe they’ll learn and adjust over time, but it’s not your job to try to “fix” other people.

Do the same with the media you consume. I had a podcast that I listened to faithfully for several years, and really enjoyed. But it was all about complaining and pointing out faults, not about coming up with useful solutions. I started noticing that after listening, I would become cynical for the rest of the day.

Because I don’t want to be that kind of person, I had to give up the podcasts. Guess what? I’m more positive now.

The third thing I do is to actively look for – and celebrate – positive signs. Last week my son had two high-value interviews, after having none for a year. Let’s consider that as a sign that his industry is turning up, and that he’s shifting his focus to get a little more serious about the job search. A year’s worth of new experience has helped as well!

I’ve been getting a sense that there’s more optimism here in January 2012 than there was in January 2011. Measurable? Not really. But I’ve been doing my part to tell people that this has helped me to be more upbeat, in the hopes that I can spread it around a little more. It seems to be working, little by little.

A couple of months ago, on one of my blogs, I mentioned my little experiment with changing the standard hallway exchange: “How’s it going?” “Fine.” This actually means nothing in our culture, other than acknowledging the other person’s existence. It certainly doesn’t mean that I’m “fine”, it’s just the standard response.

I changed my response to things like “wonderful!” or “excellent!” in order to see how people would react. And they noticed, yes, but more important, it changed my outlook on the day. I found that by telling someone I was having a wonderful time, that it actually increased the chances that the day would indeed be wonderful. Because I was working to make it that way.

And don’t we all want wonderful days?

Carl Dierschow is a Certified Small Fish Business Coach and author of the career management guide, Mondays Stink! 23 Secrets to Rediscover Delight and Fulfillment in Your Work. He is a career coach for those going through interesting transitions, and works with small business owners who need to create breakthroughs in achieving their business goals. Find out more at www.Dierschow.com and www.SmallFish.us.

If you are interested in individual career coaching, group coaching, or other resources which might help you with difficult choices, please contact Carl at carl@dierschow.com.

Connect with Carl on Facebook, Twitter and LinkedIn to get timely updates and connections to a broader range of professionals.

To subscribe or unsubscribe to this newsletter, send an e-mail to newsletter@Dierschow.com

Too much planning?

Carl — Tue, 17 Jan 2012 04:16:55 +0000

The Career You’ll Love

Sponsored by Carl Dierschow’s career blog at www.Dierschow.com

Welcome to my career tips newsletter! I encourage you to pass this to anyone who might have an interest in revitalizing their career – instructions for subscribing are at the bottom.

Too much planning?

I tend to put a lot of trust into planning. It gives me comfort that I’ve prepared for contingencies, that I know how things are going to happen, that I’ve avoided risks.

But … I’ve also learned that there’s such a thing as too much planning.

The first problem is that planning can be a way to avoid doing. I’m in the little cocoon of my plans – nothing can go wrong at this point. So the more time I spend in creating and refining plans, there’s no risk. Unfortunately, delaying is usually the risk I’m taking – but that’s not apparent.

The second problem is that not everything can be planned. Especially when you’re doing something new, something creative: Any plans are based on a poor understanding. A house of cards.

The third problem is that planning can take away the joy of experience and surprise. The best vacations I’ve had were where we had entire days which were unplanned, and therefore could be spent on … anything! If we want to go sit on the beach for an afternoon, that’s just fine, because there’s no plans. Want to eat dinner at 10:00? No problem.

Of course, I’m not comfortable with jumping past the planning stages in much of my work. The challenge is to find the right balance.

The most powerful example came when I joined up with Small Fish at the end of 2010. We were warned that there would be a certain comfort in creating lists, in planning activities, and in writing blog posts. But because our task was to get out there and sell our services, there was nothing to compare with getting out there and having actual conversations with potential clients.

And it’s made a world of difference: I now have clients.

If you are interested in individual career coaching, group coaching, or other resources which might help you with difficult choices, please contact Carl at carl@dierschow.com.

Connect with Carl on Facebook, Twitter and LinkedIn to get timely updates and connections to a broader range of professionals.

To subscribe or unsubscribe to this newsletter, send an e-mail to newsletter@Dierschow.com

A peaceful 2012?

Carl — Sat, 31 Dec 2011 12:00:39 +0000

The Career You’ll Love

Sponsored by Carl Dierschow’s career blog at www.Dierschow.com

Welcome to my career tips newsletter! I encourage you to pass this to anyone who might have an interest in revitalizing their career – instructions for subscribing are at the bottom.

A peaceful 2012?

This is the beginning of the International Hour for Peace. I don’t know how widespread this is – Google is surprisingly unhelpful – but it’s a good time to think about how we’re each helping to bring peace into the world.

We all agree: There’s too much conflict in the world, too much jockeying for position, too much greed and corruption.

But here’s the thing: Humans are made to strive. Each of us has ambitions to become more, to achieve, to develop, to grow. It seems to be that instinct which causes us to want to get more at the expense of others. It’s a win-lose game, ultimately ending up as lose-lose when those others start reacting to what I’ve done to them.

In my mind, this is one of the basic challenges we’ve been given in this life. We’re meant to learn how to grow and achieve while helping others to do the same.

Easy? No. But life is not easy.

I find it interesting, too, that generally other people will respond in kind. When I help others to achieve, they’ll help me – often more generously than I ever would have expected. Call it karma if you like; it doesn’t really matter.

So here’s the challenge I give you, and myself, for 2012: Let’s work on how to learn, grow, and achieve, while helping others to do the same. Never at the expense of others, but in aid of others.

I don’t generally make New Year’s Resolutions – I find it a bit artificial and pointless. Instead, let’s work together to make 2012 a year where we at least can bring peace and collaboration to our little corners of the planet.

It’s hard to know how to bring peace to 7 billion people in the world. But to the fifty people I’ll affect most this next year? I’ll give it a shot.

Do you want to help?

If you are interested in individual career coaching, group coaching, or other resources which might help you with difficult choices, please contact Carl at carl@dierschow.com.

Connect with Carl on Facebook, Twitter and LinkedIn to get timely updates and connections to a broader range of professionals.

To subscribe or unsubscribe to this newsletter, send an e-mail to newsletter@Dierschow.com

Time for a reboot?

Carl — Mon, 12 Dec 2011 20:37:00 +0000

The Career You’ll Love

Sponsored by Carl Dierschow’s career blog at www.Dierschow.com

Welcome to my career tips newsletter! I encourage you to pass this to anyone who might have an interest in revitalizing their career – instructions for subscribing are at the bottom.

Time for a reboot?

It’s the end of the year. I’m not a big fan of new year’s resolutions, really – I don’t see much reason to make up arbitrary goals with the realization that they won’t even last a month.

But…

There is a reason to use this time to think about your larger goals. First, for many, this is a bit of a slow time – perhaps you’re even taking some vacation. You can take some time to reflect about the course of your career, how you’re dealing with the normal stresses and strains of your job.

Second, typically at this time of year, you’ll be spending some time with family. Perhaps you’ll be exploring your spirituality a little deeper than normal. So it’s a time where you might be a bit more balanced, recognizing that it might be more important to spend time with your kids than to work another three hours on that report.

The challenge – one that I deal with as well – is how to do this without getting depressed. When you realize that you haven’t spent enough time with your family, that your career hasn’t advanced much this year, it can be a bit of a downer.

So counterbalance that with your achievements and bright spots. You had that great vacation with the family last summer. You’ve put some new accomplishments on your résumé or CV. Heck, even being gainfully employed for another year can be noteworthy these days. Or, if you’ve gone through some turmoil, at least you’ve survived and have a working computer to read this on.

My wife gives me a hard time because I always seem to respond to any of her computer hassles with, “Did you reboot?” It seems that with Windows PCs, this is the universal answer that magically fixes 90% of the problems.

Your job, of course, isn’t that simple. A complete “reboot” would mean going back to school, restarting as a newbie, being at the bottom of the ladder.

But we can use this time to “reboot” energy. Here’s some good questions:

What is it that gives you energy?
Why did you get into this career originally?
What makes your work worthwhile – to other people AND to you?

Use some slow-time here at the end of the year to see if you can recapture the energy and inspiration that you used to have. It may just help you enter 2012 with a bit of freshness.

Is it politically incorrect to wish you a Merry Christmas? Well, there it is anyway. Each of us is free to celebrate our spiritual rebirth however we wish, and that’s mine.

Talk to you in January!

If you are interested in individual career coaching, group coaching, or other resources which might help you with difficult choices, please contact Carl at carl@dierschow.com.

Connect with Carl on Facebook, Twitter and LinkedIn to get timely updates and connections to a broader range of professionals.

To subscribe or unsubscribe to this newsletter, send an e-mail to newsletter@Dierschow.com

Asking for help

Carl — Mon, 28 Nov 2011 17:51:18 +0000

The Career You’ll Love

Sponsored by Carl Dierschow’s career blog at www.Dierschow.com

Welcome to my career tips newsletter! I encourage you to pass this to anyone who might have an interest in revitalizing their career – instructions for subscribing are at the bottom.

Asking for help

I’ve noticed a curious thing about asking for favors.

You’d think that the difficulty of getting someone to give you something would directly relate to how valuable it is. If I ask for a dollar, you might give it to me. But ten dollars? That should be about ten times harder.

If that’s the case, though, I should never be able to convince you to help me with something that will take many hours of work on your part. You’re very busy – everybody’s busy – so what would cause you to just give me a lot of your time?

What’s going on here, it appears, is a much more complex transaction.

There’s a lot of value you might receive from giving me some of your time:

You might have some fun
You could learn something
You might have the satisfaction of knowing you made a difference
Your social standing could improve

These are often the reasons people contribute to charitable causes or join groups. Especially when you aren’t getting paid for your contribution, it’s clear that these other factors are what drives you to engage and help out.

What do we do with this knowledge?

A particular case I run into constantly is this: John would like to learn something from Jane, but is reluctant to ask for her time. He fears that he might look foolish, and is worried that Jane will see it as an imposition.

And in fact, she might, if John approaches it the wrong way. “I’d like to schedule a two hour meeting with you” seems difficult for a busy person. Why? Because it hasn’t conveyed that Jane is going to get anything useful out of it – perhaps it will just be a boring waste of time.

If John really values Jane’s knowledge, he should let her know. Here’s some useful phrases that he might weave into a question:

“I really think I could learn something from you…”
“I’m looking to learn from experts in this area…”
“I want to get my career moving faster, so I’d like to ask your help…”
“I’d really appreciate if you could mentor me…”
“I’d be so grateful if you’d help me learn more about this…”

Each of these, to varying degrees, conveys a sense of gratitude to Jane: She’s going to end up feeling good about having helped John’s career.

John will end up receiving priceless knowledge, and in the same way, Jane will receive priceless satisfaction.

That’s much easier, in fact, than trying to get a stranger to give you $10.

If you are interested in individual career coaching, group coaching, or other resources which might help you with difficult choices, please contact Carl at carl@dierschow.com.

Connect with Carl on Facebook, Twitter and LinkedIn to get timely updates and connections to a broader range of professionals.

To subscribe or unsubscribe to this newsletter, send an e-mail to newsletter@Dierschow.com

A little experiment

Carl — Mon, 14 Nov 2011 16:25:23 +0000

The Career You’ll Love

Sponsored by Carl Dierschow’s career blog at www.Dierschow.com

Welcome to my career tips newsletter! I encourage you to pass this to anyone who might have an interest in revitalizing their career – instructions for subscribing are at the bottom.

A little experiment

Two weeks ago, I offered each of you a challenge:

I have a request for each of you receiving this newsletter today: Please tell me one thing that gives you inspiration. I’ll pull those together and share them with the rest of the group in the next newsletter two weeks from now.

What a wonderful response! Within a couple of days, I had a number of powerful testimonies in my inbox. Here’s the first:

Thanks for all your emails which I love reading and which inspire me. Sorry if that sounds silly, but yes, you do inspire me. I suppose the other thing that regularly inspires me is learning how to do something new, or learning how something works.

Starting out my career, I was all about figuring things out. You might not know this, but I now have a business objective to be constantly learning and growing. I run my own business, so I get to do strange things like that!

The second and third popped in a little later:

I get inspiration from knowing that the work I do brings value to my organization, our clients and to me personally.

and

Having someone recognize my contributions inspires me!

How fantastic is that? I love it when people figure out that the value of their work is measured by how it helps others. But let’s not forget that each of us has an inherent worth as well, something that can’t be measured by what you DO – just by who you ARE.

The next message came from a person who has had a lot of personal turmoil – huge, life-challenging issues. Yet her faith and philosophy gives her strength: “There are lots of things to be grateful for in the past and the present.” She offers some valuable advice for all of us:

At the end of the day we all have a limited period of time on the planet, let’s get on and use our lives effectively. That includes the job we do. Let’s not waste precious time. You may be familiar with the quote from St Paul about throwing off everything that slows you down and running the race you have been given – well that’s where I am now and I’m also thinking about the crowd of witnesses who watch from the stands and cheer us on. Let’s get running!!

This has meant a great deal to me, and I offer it as powerful advice for all of us.

Finally, I got a Facebook post from my daughter:

You inspire me, Dad, by how hard you work and everything you do.

That just blows me away – it’s hard to find the words.

Now, why did I do this? Honestly, part of it was a need to get some feedback from the readers of this newsletter, to get a sense of whether people are getting value from this after 18 months.

But more important, this shows us the value of giving something a try. I’ve often used the word “experiment” for this, because it gives you the freedom to accept the outcome. Whether it fails, succeeds, or goes off in some unexpected direction, you’re always learning and growing.

Thank you all, for helping me with this little experiment!

If you are interested in individual career coaching, group coaching, or other resources which might help you with difficult choices, please contact Carl at carl@dierschow.com.

Connect with Carl on Facebook, Twitter and LinkedIn to get timely updates and connections to a broader range of professionals.

To subscribe or unsubscribe to this newsletter, send an e-mail to newsletter@Dierschow.com

Mentally disconnected!

Carl — Tue, 01 Nov 2011 02:14:18 +0000

The Career You’ll Love

Sponsored by Carl Dierschow’s career blog at www.Dierschow.com

Welcome to my career tips newsletter! I encourage you to pass this to anyone who might have an interest in revitalizing their career – instructions for subscribing are at the bottom.

Mentally disconnected

Right now, I’m seeing a big gap in the employment marketplace – but probably not what you think. I’m seeing a rapidly growing number of advertised jobs (in October? Go figure!) with a huge number of people still out of work.

Here’s the actual gap: Many, many people aren’t actually looking for work – at least not as diligently as they once were.

It’s a lack of inspiration. After you’ve been bashing your head against this problem for so long, you just get worn out.

But it’s not just those out of work. If you have a job right now, or are creating you own business, count yourself lucky. But are you inspired? Are you bringing your best to your work?

This became clear to me today, because I had a couple of different discussions where we talked about that loss of momentum. And I see it in the larger society as well – people increasingly disconnected from government action, moving away from organizations and companies.

I’m not going to fix all of society, at least not this week. Instead, I’ll work on myself and the people I’m close with. Let’s see what we can do about our own personal inspiration and engagement.

Are you up for the challenge?

If you are interested in individual career coaching, group coaching, or other resources which might help you with difficult choices, please contact Carl at carl@dierschow.com.

Connect with Carl on Facebook, Twitter and LinkedIn to get timely updates and connections to a broader range of professionals.

To subscribe or unsubscribe to this newsletter, send an e-mail to newsletter@Dierschow.com

When others bail out

Carl — Mon, 17 Oct 2011 19:58:10 +0000

The Career You’ll Love

Sponsored by Carl Dierschow’s career blog at www.Dierschow.com

Welcome to my career tips newsletter! I encourage you to pass this to anyone who might have an interest in revitalizing their career – instructions for subscribing are at the bottom.

When others bail out

My client this morning was feeling some doubt and uncertainty because other folks in his situation are bailing out of their jobs. It made him wonder whether he’s just the last person to notice that there’s something bad going on.

Should he leave? It’s not at all clear.

I’ve been in this situation before, and it’s a tough call. But the place to start is by stepping back and having a bit of a deep think.

First, realize that others’ decisions may well have nothing to do with your own situation. Perhaps it was even quite random – three people made their independent decisions, and it just happened that they occurred in a short time span.

Or it could be more serious, yes. So it’s time to gather a bit of data. Find out what’s going on, what events happened, what might have changed, what the trend is.

Then come to you own conclusion, based on YOUR priorities and needs. Perhaps this will even provide an opportunity for advancement and growth, moving into those others’ roles.

Look for the best-case scenario. Three others have left. This will give an opportunity to hire some fresh people, maybe shake up some of the bad patterns that you’ve fallen into. You could make some new friends, and be seen as knowledgeable mentor relative to the new folks.

Then look at the worst-case scenario. Yes, those people left, and it may well put more pressure on you. Maybe there’s something going on behind the scenes that you’ll find worrisome. But life will continue on. Even if you happen to lose your job, that’s not the end of the world.

The purpose of exploring these two scenarios is to help you think through the range of possibilities, how you might react, and to realize that you have knowledge and resources which can help. Don’t get too emotionally attached to either, as most likely the outcome will be somewhere in between.

What action you choose to take will make a great difference toward either the best case or worst case. So think through it and take some action – even if the action is to wait things out and gather more information.

If you are interested in individual career coaching, group coaching, or other resources which might help you with difficult choices, please contact Carl at carl@dierschow.com.

Connect with Carl on Facebook, Twitter and LinkedIn to get timely updates and connections to a broader range of professionals.

To subscribe or unsubscribe to this newsletter, send an e-mail to newsletter@Dierschow.com

Making the commitment

Carl — Mon, 03 Oct 2011 18:38:15 +0000

The Career You’ll Love

Sponsored by Carl Dierschow’s career blog at www.Dierschow.com

Welcome to my career tips newsletter! I encourage you to pass this to anyone who might have an interest in revitalizing their career – instructions for subscribing are at the bottom.

Making the commitment

I was speaking with a friend recently who is wanting to build a group around a particular topic of interest. It’s been difficult to get it launched, to get a wide range of people excited to join him.

His goal is to get this group running by the end of October. To himself, he’s been thinking about it as “I want to have this group running by the end of the month.” To others who might be candidates to join the group, it’s been a bit like “I would like you to join this new group, I want to have our first meeting by the end of the month.”

That might be one of the problems with getting people to join.

I asked him what would be different if he went ahead and scheduled the date and time, and reserved the meeting venue. What he ends up with is a MUCH more powerful and compelling message.

For himself, the goal now shifts to “I’m having the meeting on that specific day. I’d better make sure we have enough people and that it’s a great first meeting!”

For others, the message is now “This group is meeting on that specific day. You don’t want to miss the opportunity to get in on the ground floor of a fantastic opportunity, so you’d better let me know by the end of this week if you want me to reserve your place!”

You can see that he’s now moved from INTENTION to ACTION, from HOPING to DOING. Likewise, his contacts will sense that:

Yes, this is real – it has a time, date, and venue
There’s a firm deadline for me to take action
There’s more energy behind what’s being offered, because there’s a concrete plan

Of course, putting this stake in the ground is a bit scary. What happens if he sets the meeting but nobody shows up? Will this crush his spirit?

But he’s searching for people who want to take action, who want to get compelling value from working together. When they sense his commitment is not complete, they’re going to be reluctant to jump on board.

Where does this apply in your life and career? What would happen if you just gathered your courage, and moved something important from being an INTENTION to being in ACTION?

If you are interested in individual career coaching, group coaching, or other resources which might help you with difficult choices, please contact Carl at carl@dierschow.com.

Connect with Carl on Facebook, Twitter and LinkedIn to get timely updates and connections to a broader range of professionals.

To subscribe or unsubscribe to this newsletter, send an e-mail to newsletter@Dierschow.com

Dealing with the fears

Carl — Tue, 20 Sep 2011 19:51:20 +0000

The Career You’ll Love

Sponsored by Carl Dierschow’s career blog at www.Dierschow.com

Welcome to my career tips newsletter! I encourage you to pass this to anyone who might have an interest in revitalizing their career – instructions for subscribing are at the bottom.

Dealing with the fears

Making career decisions is scary! You’re dealing with life-changing decisions, impacts on your family, people who can affect your life direction in deep ways, ….

Calm down for a moment.

It’s OK to be stressed, that’s understandable. But there’s different ways of handling stress. Many people start by moving into a position of fear – the animal fight or flight response.

Think of fears as the compilation of your life’s learning. When we were cavemen, we had good reason to be fearful when we heard growling in a cave. You could end up as that bear’s lunch, so running away was the best option. Over time all animals, ourselves included, have developed the ability to sense dangerous situations and respond quickly. That’s fear.

Something strange has happened, though. Researchers have established that socially uncomfortable situations create the same physical responses as when people are physically in danger.

That means that your response to being embarrassed in grade school is very similar to that fear of the bear in the cave.

I find this very strange, but it’s true.

It also means that your imagined fears can be much larger than the actual reality. Let’s say that I’m thinking of giving up a well-paying career as a doctor to take up social work. That’s a huge change, so a wide array of doubts will start popping up:

I won’t have the income and lifestyle that I’ve become accustomed to.
People will think I’m crazy.
I won’t know what I’m doing, at least initially.

These are the logical thoughts, but they quickly spawn some emotional reactions:

My family won’t love me anymore, they’ll leave me and I’ll be alone for the rest of my life.
People will ostracize and shun me, I’ll be embarrassed and ridiculed.
I won’t have the skills to make it in this new career, I’ll be a failure and never make a living doing anything.

You can see that I’ve deliberately overstated each of these to make a point. But our fears really do go this deep, and can be even more irrational than what I’ve stated here. Here’s an example:

If I do this, people will think I’m crazy.
Then what? They’ll laugh at me.
Then what? They won’t take me seriously.
Then what? I won’t have any friends.
Then what? I’ll die an old and bitter man.

See how this goes downhill quickly? But it’s what’s going on at the emotional level.

How do we deal with this?

First, recognize what’s going on: Your emotions are magnifying things out of proportion, because people are resistant to change.

Second, develop counterbalancing alternative scenarios:

If I do this, people will think I’m courageous.
Then what? They’ll be impressed by my decision to focus on something I love.
Then what? They may be inspired to go for great goals.
Then what? They may want to help and support me.
Then what? I’ll have lots of interesting friends.

If I do this, people will be surprised.
Then what? They’ll be interested in what I’m doing.
Then what? They will want to help me succeed.
Then what? I’ll be known for starting something much bigger than myself.
Then what? I’ll be famous and travel the world.

Now that you have some comparison points, you can start thinking through which are more likely. And it may well impact how you make your choices: In this case, maybe I’ll want to work hard on gathering supporters around me and inspiring people.

The others who still think I’m crazy? Well, when I have supporters, who cares?

Just a note: This is surprisingly similar to the situation I’ve experienced over the last decade. Yes, a lot of people have pointed out how difficult it is to succeed as a coach. But in trade, I’m doing something important and I have a lot of people supporting me. And my business is zooming forward!

If you are interested in individual career coaching, group coaching, or other resources which might help you with difficult choices, please contact Carl at carl@dierschow.com.

Connect with Carl on Facebook, Twitter and LinkedIn to get timely updates and connections to a broader range of professionals.

To subscribe or unsubscribe to this newsletter, send an e-mail to newsletter@Dierschow.com